And then one day I
woke up…..crazy, this is how it all started the last time!!!!
Amazing how we live
and learn and yet so quickly and easily something happens or many things happen
and the stress of it all piles up and up and then BOOM…..fat suit
reappears!!!!! Or at least that’s what happens to me.
When my stress levels
go up (for whatever reason), when I have internal turmoil going on (again, for
a multitude of reasons, could be anything really), I put up walls and when I
say walls, I mean I rebuild my fat suit. It’s a complete layer of protection
from the outer world, or at least it thinks it is. Honestly it causes me more
turmoil and grief opposed to comfort and protection.
57lbs in 3 years,
that is what I gained….that is insane! I finally calculated it. I know better,
I know how to eat healthy, I know how to work out, I love to be active etc.
However, it still happened….again!
A Struggle that I will have to constantly face.
I've had people
look at me over the last couple of years and give small comments
“get back at
it, I've seen you do this before, you know how”
‘better get this
under control, you don’t want to end up like you did last time’
Or the looks, you
know you’re getting the look with the back thought of “why did you gain it
back”, “how could you let this happen”, “shouldn't you be doing something
about this”…..etc, the list is beyond endless. However, believe me, the
negative self talk that I've given myself for the past few
years has been well beyond what anyone else has thought or said with or
without words.
Let’s be clear
I didn't just
let this happen
It happened, yes,
however some of which has been completely out of my control.
I’m not taking full
accountability here. It’s not like I sucked back endless bags of chips and
cases of chocolate bars and ate McDonald’s every day while guzzling slurpies
and pigging out on chocolate cakes. Let’s be honest here, I still ate quite healthy for the
most part. I would not say that the weight was a factor of bad nutrition. My
body was nourished and still is. My portions may have gone out of whack, again,
not 57 lbs worth of out of whack though!
My body went into
full storage mode. My body decides (as does many bodies out there), that when
stressors get out of hand that it should shut down certain things and create
havoc everywhere!
Three years ago I hit
“fight or flight mode” and haven’t been able to turn it off. Because of this I
have put my body through adrenal fatigue, have created a bit of a sluggish liver and countless other
organs and internal systems that are certainly not operating at their peak
performance rate. Because of this I eventually hit a massive FUNK! When your
body is sluggish, eventually you become sluggish too. When things are not
working right, eventually it takes its toll on everything!
A whopping 57 pound
toll
It wears you down.
Physically, emotionally. Simple everyday functions wear you out! Then not only
are you emotionally exhausted getting thru your days but the extra weight makes
your body hurt, which in turn makes it hard to be overly physical….plus the
self-consciousness kicks in and you become embarrassed of your body and then have
no desire to be seen attempting to be somewhat active….complete vicious
cycle!!!!
Now, it wasn't all
lack of exercise, unhappy thoughts and inactivity. Add in some medications that
didn't agree with me and caused further havoc (most medications do!)
Eventually the cycle
has to break. Not exactly sure how it happens but it does and you know
when you've broken it.
Key note
here.......YOU BREAK YOUR OWN CYCLE
Often you break it a
few little pieces at a time until eventually you find the best crack and you
bust that thing wide open!
The warrior inside of
you busts back out and you decide that it’s time to no longer be hiding behind
some self-created fat suit that has not provided you with one bit of healthy
good love.
You change the cycle,
with resistance, of course change never happens overnight. Maybe it starts with
baby steps, maybe it starts with further steps back. Regardless it starts with
steps.
I may still be doing
a cha cha at the moment but I know that I have finally broken the cycle.
Bottom line is, we
all step back sometimes, we all have a story, we all have our reasons and not
all of which are within our complete control, however the best part is that every single one of us
has it inside of us to simply say
“I’ve got this”
No comments:
Post a Comment