Thursday, January 7, 2016

You’ve got this…..Trust Yourself

When what you really fear, is yourself……

“Second chances are scarier than first chances, because the second time you know how much you’re risking.”
— Nora Roberts, The Collector

I just stumbled upon this quote this morning and had a total and complete aha moment. Do you ever read something or hear something or see something that just rocks you to the core? It taps right into every single part of your inner being. Well, for me, at this very moment, it was this quote.

Not everyone will see it in the same light as I do. We’re all in different stages of our own unique story, it just happens that this is me….right friggin now.

A very wise, close friend said to me the other day “sounds like fear is motivating a lot of those feelings”. And, honestly this quote simply reinforces that aha moment that she already provided, this just makes it bigger.

“Second chances are scarier than first chances, because the second time you know how much you’re risking.”
— Nora Roberts, The Collector

I think the key to it all is trusting yourself. So often it’s thought that the fear comes from your perception of the outcome based upon someone or something else. But when it all boils down, really the fear stems from not trusting yourself. Not trusting yourself to make the right choice, not trusting yourself to fall back into being that person that you never want to be again, not trusting yourself to let go and see things for what they really are, instead of what they may or may not be.

Sometimes the bigger picture is just us creating our own imaginary world of fear, but for what? Life is today, of course it is yesterday and tomorrow but at this moment it is today. You cannot predict your future, of course certain things make sense in the grand scheme of things, however all can change by someone else’s choices and you cannot predict or control that. However, your fear will certainly stand in the way of living today and creating a tomorrow that you will love.

Fear is based upon thoughts that you create within your own mind. Healthy, or fucked up, your mind is where your fear stems from and where you keep on creating it. Are you in danger? If the answer is no, then why let that fear creep in and be the all deciding factor in your choices and chances? Fear really is simply a choice. You choose to let it creep in or sometimes completely take over all rational thoughts, consuming your life….right before your eyes.

So, this fear, comes right back to the initial problem, you don’t trust yourself. Is that it? If so, then that’s on you to handle. You can’t place that power in someone else’s hands, not when it’s completely an inside job. You can seek assistance (and probably should), however remember you’ve got this and you know who you are better than anyone else.

So, how do you go about doing this? Well, step out of your comfort zone and face one of those fears. Prove to yourself that you know who you are and what you are capable of and face something head on. Procrastination isn’t going to get you anywhere.  Once you’ve done it, remember to say to yourself “I did it…and I’m ok”. You don’t have to take every fear on all at once and overwhelm yourself into a state of frantic freak out…..that won’t work, believe me!!!!

Go out and do the things you love, do you remember what those things are? What are those things that make you smile, make you giggle, make you dance and sing, what makes your heart happy? Go and do it to remind yourself that you know who you are and trust that you know what you’re doing.

Be kind to yourself, have patience (if you’re like me, this is a tough one). Remember that you don’t need anyone else’s approval. This is your story, no one else’s. Again, why give someone else the power over your happiness, again, this is an inside job! You have to do what works for you and your life and your family and that may not be anything at all that would work for someone else in their life. You don’t look at people and say WTF are you doing, ok, well sometimes maybe you do but you don’t expect them to live exactly as you do when their life is completely different. You don’t understand their choices but you don’t condemn them for it either. You acknowledge that it wouldn’t work for you and move on trusting that they must know what they are doing and know that it’s ok if it doesn’t, it just means a change. You just need to remember to do that for yourself as well….trust in yourself, stop with the self-doubt. Trust in being your own unique self, and embrace your own weird and crazy life. That’s what makes you, YOU.

Talk, say it out loud. You cannot face your fears if you’re unwilling to verbalize what they are. Sometimes simply saying things out loud or even putting pen to paper (or fingers to the keyboard) is a great place to start. If you’re not willing to admit out loud what you’ve got going on then you either don’t understand it or are not willing to move ahead. Staying static, certainly isn’t working for you. Connecting with others is not admitting defeat, it’s simply having support to lift us up when we’ve forgotten how to fly. But, in the process, don’t lose your voice to their opinions either. Take it as another perspective but it’s not necessarily your own truth, it’s theirs. Opinions are great and can certainly help to see that you in fact do create your own fear, but at the end of the day file it as an opinion and utilize the information to find your own truth and trust in yourself.

You’ve got this…..Trust Yourself

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