I`m doing it, that`s it, I`m done, I`m biting the financial
bullet and I`m joining the gym. No amount of walking or intermittent work outs
seem to be helping me. Ok, so maybe it clears my head and makes me feel good
for a time, yet I swear I continue to gain weight and this makes me depressed,
so
ENOUGH ALREADY
My body aches, my knees and hips cannot take this weight, and
emotionally I cannot take this body any longer. Even looking down at my hands
as I type this, they haven`t looked like my hands in the past two years. This
is my breaking point……
RATHER
While out playing soccer with my 9 year old the other night,
she completely took me out (intentionally) as she stole the ball (good on her…..oh
so very bad for this mommy!) I knew then that was the breaking point.
A few curse words, spoken quite loudly, a jolt of pain to
the knee (which has been bothersome again for quite some time already) and a
few minutes of remaining on the field before I deemed myself fit to stand,
brought on a state of panic in my mind, which brought on the thought of
ENOUGH, THAT`S IT, I
CANNOT DO THIS ALONE, I`M NOT DOING MYSELF ANY GOOD BY MAKING EXCUSES
And speaking of excuses, one of my biggest ones is that I don’t
go to the gym etc on my daughters time, because I don`t want to take away time
that I can be spending with her. Yet, if I cannot run and play and enjoy the
time with her because I am broken, whether physically or emotionally then what
the hell good am I doing for her?
WAKE UP CALL
Seriously, that’s what it is. I had this discussion with my
spin instructor (Jenn) the other night and another mom. We were discussing the problem
of trying to fit in working out, whether it be classes or weight training or
cardio etc and juggling the needs of the kids and spouse and the guilt that we
create ourselves.
GUILT FOR WHAT
Doing something for ourselves to be healthy is nothing to
feel guilty about. Setting an example for our children, is nothing to feel guilty
about. Setting up our kids to have good, solid, healthy habits, is nothing to
feel guilty about. *Thanks Jenn for reminding me of this.
I know from personal experience that you really can do it
all (I've done this before!!!!!). You can make it work, you can juggle and you
can do it. Life will not end for your kids or your spouse, your house will not
fall apart, your groceries and housecleaning and dirty dishes may all still be
there when you get home but you will figure out a way to manage it all….and
start delegating chores where possible, seriously!
WE ARE ALL FAIRY
FUCKING GODMOTHERS SHOOTING SPARKLES OUT OF OUR ASSES WITH THE ABILITY TO DO
WHATEVER WE NEED TO DO TO MAKE IT WORK FOR EVERYONE
Because, if you don’t, you will simply fall into your own
depressed state, you will hide behind an ever growing fat suit, you will be
angry and sad and irrational and then no one is happy.
SO CHOOSE
Choose to live life and enjoy every moment of it and if that
means finding time to get your ass to the gym or to wherever or whatever it is
that you need to do to get yourself into your own personal
HAPPY PLACE
Or sit out, avoid, make sure everyone else is happy and
continue to create your own little inner hell
REALLY IT’S OUR OWN
CHOICE…BUT THAT’S WHAT WE FORGET
And, seriously, take a good hard look around. If you are
miserable or even slightly miffed with where you are and making excuses and
those excuses center around making other people content (children included)….
TAKE A CLOSER LOOK
….because at the end of the day, I would be willing to bet
that your unhappiness is rubbing off on them as well and making them not as
happy as they deserve to be.
Once you decide to look after you, you realize it’ll make
you much more competent to look after them, and maybe make it so they realize that
they are able to look after themselves a bit too.
WIN WIN FOR EVERYONE
Wish me luck, gym time for me is going to mean checking that
ego of mine at the door and sucking up the fact that I am not anywhere near
where I was or where I want to be
BUT I'VE GOT THIS…....
