“Second chances are scarier than first chances,
because the second time you know how much you’re risking.”
— Nora Roberts, The Collector
— Nora Roberts, The Collector
I just stumbled upon this
quote this morning and had a total and complete aha moment. Do you ever read
something or hear something or see something that just rocks you to the core? It
taps right into every single part of your inner being. Well, for me, at this
very moment, it was this quote.
Not everyone will see it in
the same light as I do. We’re all in different stages of our own unique story,
it just happens that this is me….right friggin now.
A very wise, close friend
said to me the other day “sounds like fear is motivating a lot of those
feelings”. And, honestly this quote simply reinforces that aha moment that she
already provided, this just makes it bigger.
“Second chances are scarier than first chances,
because the second time you know how much you’re risking.”
— Nora Roberts, The Collector
— Nora Roberts, The Collector
I think the key to it all is
trusting yourself. So often it’s thought that the fear comes from your
perception of the outcome based upon someone or something else. But when it all
boils down, really the fear stems from not trusting yourself. Not trusting
yourself to make the right choice, not trusting yourself to fall back into
being that person that you never want to be again, not trusting yourself to let
go and see things for what they really are, instead of what they may or may not
be.
Sometimes the bigger picture
is just us creating our own imaginary world of fear, but for what? Life is
today, of course it is yesterday and tomorrow but at this moment it is today. You
cannot predict your future, of course certain things make sense in the grand
scheme of things, however all can change by someone else’s choices and you
cannot predict or control that. However, your fear will certainly stand in the
way of living today and creating a tomorrow that you will love.
Fear is based upon thoughts
that you create within your own mind. Healthy, or fucked up, your mind is where
your fear stems from and where you keep on creating it. Are you in danger? If the
answer is no, then why let that fear creep in and be the all deciding factor in
your choices and chances? Fear really is simply a choice. You choose to let it
creep in or sometimes completely take over all rational thoughts, consuming
your life….right before your eyes.
So, this fear, comes right
back to the initial problem, you don’t trust yourself. Is that it? If so, then that’s
on you to handle. You can’t place that power in someone else’s hands, not when
it’s completely an inside job. You can seek assistance (and probably should),
however remember you’ve got this and you know who you are better than anyone
else.
So, how do you go about doing
this? Well, step out of your comfort zone and face one of those fears. Prove to
yourself that you know who you are and what you are capable of and face
something head on. Procrastination isn’t going to get you anywhere. Once you’ve done it, remember to say to
yourself “I did it…and I’m ok”. You don’t have to take every fear on all at
once and overwhelm yourself into a state of frantic freak out…..that won’t
work, believe me!!!!
Go out and do the things you
love, do you remember what those things are? What are those things that make
you smile, make you giggle, make you dance and sing, what makes your heart
happy? Go and do it to remind yourself that you know who you are and trust that
you know what you’re doing.
Be kind to yourself, have
patience (if you’re like me, this is a tough one). Remember that you don’t need
anyone else’s approval. This is your story, no one else’s. Again, why give
someone else the power over your happiness, again, this is an inside job! You have
to do what works for you and your life and your family and that may not be
anything at all that would work for someone else in their life. You don’t look
at people and say WTF are you doing, ok, well sometimes maybe you do but you
don’t expect them to live exactly as you do when their life is completely
different. You don’t understand their choices but you don’t condemn them for it
either. You acknowledge that it wouldn’t work for you and move on trusting that
they must know what they are doing and know that it’s ok if it doesn’t, it just
means a change. You just need to remember to do that for yourself as well….trust
in yourself, stop with the self-doubt. Trust in being your own unique self, and
embrace your own weird and crazy life. That’s what makes you, YOU.
Talk, say it out loud. You cannot
face your fears if you’re unwilling to verbalize what they are. Sometimes
simply saying things out loud or even putting pen to paper (or fingers to the
keyboard) is a great place to start. If you’re not willing to admit out loud what
you’ve got going on then you either don’t understand it or are not willing to
move ahead. Staying static, certainly isn’t working for you. Connecting with
others is not admitting defeat, it’s simply having support to lift us up when
we’ve forgotten how to fly. But, in the process, don’t lose your voice to their
opinions either. Take it as another perspective but it’s not necessarily your
own truth, it’s theirs. Opinions are great and can certainly help to see that
you in fact do create your own fear, but at the end of the day file it as an
opinion and utilize the information to find your own truth and trust in
yourself.
You’ve got this…..Trust Yourself